Protein, Protein, Protein.

When you have weight loss surgery (WLS) you have to change your diet. Your primary means of nutrition must be protein, and with a vastly reduced capacity for food, ensuring your choices are high in protein is essential. Now if you know me you will know how fussy I am with food.
I know people will look at the very narrow range of what I'll eat and wonder how I got so fat. They think people who are fat will eat everything and anything, which is by no means always the case. My life has always revolved around sweet food, so much so that rather than have a starter and main course when out for a meal, I would have quite happily had 3 desserts - not that I ever did, sadly! Even now I crave sugary foods morning, noon and night. The problem is those foods not only have a lot of sugar and fat (and therefore calories), but also aren't very high in protein.
Over the last four years I have tried many protein supplements in the form of shakes, bars and snacks. But once again my taste buds just do not like most. Various friends have recommended different ones to me but I just could not tolerate them. I have to like what I eat or bizarrely I feel sick and will heave. But I have found some that I like and will stick with for the rest of my life.

Protein Shakes
When I had my first surgery my best friend recommended Syntrax Nectar. She gave me a few samples of Chocolate Truffle, Strawberry, and Cookie but I only liked the Chocolate Truffle. I have tried other varieties of Syntrax since, including the Essence and Micellar Creme and I do like all of the chocolate ones I have tried, but I have found that if I mix two of them together they create the perfect drink for me. I love Syntrax because not only are some of them carb free, it doesn't taste too much of sweetener like some of the other products I've tried. Syntrax is expensive compared to many other products and sometimes is hard to find here in the UK, but I wouldn't be without it.

Protein bars

I have tried many varieties of protein bar in my 4 post-operative years but most I have found not particularly appetising. But then just this year I came across the new Grenade Carb Killa. I have tried most of the flavours they do, and really love the Caramel Chaos, and the While Chocolate Cookie ones. They may be a little on the pricey side for some, but if you buy them in bulk the cost comes down. 

Cereal bars

Once again I have tried so many different types. Because for me the taste is as important as the protein content, I've ended up preferring one which is slightly higher in carbs than some alternatives - you have to go for what you like. I have found a couple of Graze bars amazing for taste. My favourites are Cocoa & Vanilla Protein Flapjack, and Banana Protein Flapjack. Strangely, I don't like actual bananas, but the banana flapjacks don't have a particularly strong banana flavour.

Other sources, 

I don't just eat protein bars and flapjacks! I also eat home cooked meals that I normally prepare and put in foil tins, then cook from frozen, I have found that if I cook and eat within 30 minutes I can't eat much. So for me this method works better and I can get protein into myself in a more natural form. 

My favourite things to cook from frozen are:

Bolognese bake - Minced beef in a tomato sauce on the bottom, with macaroni in a cheese sauce on top. 

Chicken wrapped in bacon - I take probably 2/3 of a normal size chicken breast and wrap it in bacon, then with 30 minutes left I will sometimes put a bit of bbq sauce on top to help it go down more easily. 

Shepherd's pie - For this I slow roast a lamb shoulder, then cut it off the bone the leave overnihgt in the fridge to cool. Once it is cold from the fridge you can see the rest of the white fat more easily. I trim that off then whizz it up in the food processor for a few seconds, I add in finely chopped carrots, peas and gravy and top with mashed potato.

Hot Pot - I take some of the lamb that was slow cooked and chop into cubes, add carrots, peas and top with sliced boiled potatoes.

Pie - I prefer either beef which has been cubed and slow cooked for 4 hours, or chicken which I normally roast in the oven then take off the bone. I will add carrots, peas and gravy, then top with a very thin layer of pastry. 

Stuffed Potato skins - Yes this is high in carbs and relatively low in protein, but some days you want carbs and this is a pretty healthy carb choice. I first of all soften/cook jacket spuds in the microwave until they're soft, then cut them in half and scoop out the potato into a bowl, to which I add bacon, light spreadable cheese and a tiny bit of milk just to help with the mashing of the potato. I then add the mix back into the potato skins and top with little grated cheese. 

Fatty nights out

From the age of around 23 I started going to plus size nights out. I was so scared the first time I went to one but I was surprised by the amount of lovely people I met. As I got older the nerves of going never went away. I had met some amazing people through these nights out that I felt so lucky to know people who truly accepted me for me. I was still a shy person, but that didn't matter and people still wanted to talk to me and dance with me. I would meet new people every time I went, but still had nights out with the few real friends I had. I have never been good at making friends, I never felt worthy and always found myself pushing people away, I'd never actually ask people to spend time with me, to hang out because I'm scared they wouldn't want to.
The first club style night out was at a place called Biggies. It was in London and such a great place, everyone talking, dancing and really having fun. Getting chatted up was an odd experience for me, I had never before been to such a place where someone found me attractive. I still to this day do not understand what these men liked about me, but I was just happy and taken aback that I was treated normally.
Nights out when I was younger were completely different, I was friends with pretty thin girls who every boy fawned over, I was the fat comfortable friend that the boys would talk to so they could get to know my friends. I was stared at and made fun of at the places we would go to drink. Even now I still don't know if they knew what others said, if they heard it, but I did. "What the hell is she doing in here?". "Omg you're huge". "HAHA fatty" and so much more. I guess that is what stopped me going out and going to college, I had no one to talk to, no one to understand how I felt. But these people and these places made me feel normal, average.
Over the years I went as often as I could, but as my weight piled on and my health got worse, I found it progressively more difficult. Losing contact with some amazing people hurt, I would talk to them on the internet, but it wasn't the same - I could no longer dance the night away with my friends.
Since having weight loss surgery I have been able to go a few times, but very rarely as nights out now leave me in pain for days afterwards. I do enjoy the nights out when they happen, but now I can no longer dance with people and socialising is even more daunting for me, I remember the days where I would walk into a venue and know 90% of the people there. But these days I hardly know anyone, I am just so lucky and thankful that there are still some of the amazing beautiful faces I have known for many years. But my body will not let me be who I am and who I wish to be. So I am stuck, hoping to be brave enough to make new friends and have the bond others do at these places. I just wish I could go more and have as much fun as I used to!

My thoughts on Scarlett & Jo

I have long admired their dresses only from afar, because I find it hard to justify spending over £30 on a dress, but their sales offer great savings.
Earlier this year I managed to buy a dress from them and fell totally in love with it, so when they recently had another sale, I was quick to see what I could afford. I ordered 3 lovely dresses which came within a few days and I couldn't wait to try them on.
The first dress was a printed hanky hem dress:  http://www.scarlettandjo.com/



It is a lovely fabric and so very comfy to wear. I find the length on myself quite good, being 6ft tall it is always hard to get dresses long enough. I also ordered it in a size 22, Scarlett & Jo are very generous in their sizing as I am normally a size 26/28 these days. This Hanky Hem dress is amazing and I would recommend it to anyone who likes this style.

One of the other dresses I decided to try out was the Jacquard Fit and Flare Dress:
http://www.scarlettandjo.com




It is a very pretty dress and a lovely material, but I have found it not as comfy or stretchy as the Hanky Hem. I have massive bingo wings and find they need extra tugging and squashing to get even slightly comfy. I am very glad that I ordered it in a size 24, and for my arms I probably could have done with it a size or 2 bigger, but the body fitted amazingly and it was also a great length.

I would recommend anyone to buy from Scarlett & Jo, their clothing is very flattering, very plus size friendly and I cannot wait to try more of their clothing, especially the range for taller people.

Doctors and being fat

Since I was 8 years old I have had an unhealthy relationship with most doctors. My first bad memory was being told at 8 that I would die within a few years if I did not lose weight. From that point on it seems nearly every doctor I saw would bring up my weight, how it will affect me and that I should change. Never was I asked if I wanted to lose weight, nor was I tested to see if I was healthy even though I was obviously overweight. Whenever I saw a doctor for whatever reason - even tonsillitis, the subject of my weight became the main topic of discussion. The thought of seeing doctors would make me recoil. So much so I would try not to see doctors if I could help it.

At the age of 8 I was sent to see a specialist. He did nothing to actually help me, he just took my pulse in different parts of my body, measured me and told me to go. It was an odd meeting, to this day I have no idea what its purpose was.

I was put on various diets and consequently rarely ate what the other children did. I always felt the odd one out for various reasons, but it was most apparent when sat with other children and them asking why I did not have the same food as they all did. I did try to lose weight, although it still baffled me why I wasn't considered just one of the children. I was always a 'special case'.

Then at 20 years old it was suggested I see someone about weight loss surgery. At the time it was new to the UK, but I was told the results were promising. So with the chance of being normal on offer,  I went to see him. The appointment was a disaster, My mother and I sat and listened to the surgeon who told me that I would never be able to eat solid food again. Then his phone rang so he answered it and drifted off into an unrelated conversation. It was as though we weren't even there - we seemed nothing more than an inconvenience to him. I left the meeting feeling deflated - the thought of never being able to eat anything but puree for the rest of my life was scary.

As time went on I gained more weight and knew I had to do something, I tried various diets and carried out more research into weight loss surgery. I eventually asked to see someone else about the subject.

I saw a team in Birmingham - the first meeting was positive, they said they could help me, I knew my facts now and knew what I wanted. I was sent away and told I'd hear from them within 8 weeks and that I should try to lose some weight in the meantime.

I put my heart and soul into those 8 weeks, but I heard nothing from them. I was calling them every few days and asked my GP to try to contact them, 8 weeks turned into 8 months. By this time I had given up on the diet, I comfort ate again. Then one day, over 12 months later I received a letter asking me to attend an appointment the following week. I was so happy to get the appointment that I didn't even think about whether I had put on weight.

As it turns out I had indeed gained weight and once again the appointment was a nightmare. The bariatric surgeon told me it was 'disgusting' that I'd gained weight and also suggested I was lying when I said I hadn't heard from them for so long. At that moment I knew for sure I didn't want to be opened up and operated upon by a person who thought so little of me.

As time went on I moved house and got married. I was now living in a new area and made enquiries with my new local NHS trust, At my first appointment I was told that I'd be considered for surgery only after having lost 14 stone on my own. It goes without saying that if I were capable of losing 14 stone by diet and exercise alone, then I wouldn't need surgery at all! The NHS' Patient's Charter states that the patient has the right to request they see any suitable health professional and at any venue. With this in mind I contacted my NHS Trust and asked to see a particular consultant at a particular hospital - he had a fine reputation for dealing effectively with the very problems I presented. For reasons known only to themselves, my NHS Trust refused to transfer me, despite my iteration of The Patient's Charter and NICE guidelines (which state that in instances such as mine, immediate surgery is the preferred option).

Over the years I've been lucky enough to meet and interact with many good nurses and doctors, but their hard work and caring nature was overshadowed by the attitude of the few who I felt were intent on not helping me.

I have heard many stories from other plus size people of similar things happening to them. Why is the issue of weight always the subject of discussion at appointments, even when it's nothing to do with the reason you're there? Why do some assume that all fat people are unfit and eat rubbish all day, Honestly this is normally far from the truth. I know a lot of overweight people who are a lot fitter and eat much healthier food than some slim people I know. Is 'fat' really the worst thing a person can be? I hope one day things will change.