I have been meaning for so long to write this, but I am not sure I have the right words to do them justice.
From my earliest memory my parents have always been the ones who have never put me down, never asked anything of me, they have always just wanted me to be happy.
I've always known I can talk to my parents, but I never really learned to until I got into my mid to late 20's. I guess I didn't know how to tell them what was going on, I couldn't make sense of it myself so how would I explain it to them?
My father is like my right arm, I would be totally lost without him, since I was a little girl he's always been fighting my corner. Yes I probably was spoilt but what little girl isn't? Although I never saw my father much week to week as he was so hard working. He would get up at 6am and go to work but then come home and go out again to do more work. The weekends were no exception - he would be working morning until evening, but he did all of this for us, never for himself. Looking back, the thing I remember most fondly is when I used to get to go out in an evening with him when he'd be called out to a job and I got to ride along. It was the best few hours of my week or month. As I grew older I got to go out with him more, meeting his friends and colleagues.
I also remember our holidays - we had a touring caravan. I hated being in that damn thing but spending time with my dad and mum was the best thing and worth the wait.
But the worst time for me and my dad was when I was 13 or 14, he suddenly was not the strong man I knew but the man I wanted to protect, to make better. But I couldn't do anything but be there for him. For months and years my dad had to sleep on his front to try to save his eyesight. From here it seemed to get worse, not only did he lose his sight in one eye, but it went into months of hearing my father crying in pain down stairs, I can remember sitting awake upstairs at night hearing him. It was the first time I had ever heard the strongest man I knew cry. But hearing him cry did not make him less of a man or dad, it made me love him more. This only got worse by him losing his mum - she was his rock. I think that day was probably the worst day in my father's life. All I have ever done is try to be there for my father. I remember sitting with him while he was lying on his stomach listening to music and talking. Just spending time with my dad no matter the way or how it came about was everything to me and still is.
My mother and I have had a rocky relationship in the past, we clashed a lot when I was a child and carried on into my teenage years but looking back now I can see it was probably more to do with me not being able to tell my mum how I felt, how I needed her help, how I have no idea what was going on in my life. But no matter how much I screamed at my mum, cried, slammed doors, she never turned her back, she never gave up on me. She was always supportive of me. At the time I felt alone like she wasn't in my corner, but now looking back I can remember the flashes of times she was, there were so many of those times, but back then I couldn't see them through the fog and haze of my own life. My mum is the sweetest woman you can ever meet, she is so kind, quiet, loving and caring, but she lacks confidence and self reassurance. I wish I could see her back then as I see her now.
She is stronger than she knows, she did everything around the house, looked after myself and my brother. Worked and never complained. She just kept going, kept working herself as much as my father but for no wages, just for the love of us. One thing most people don't know about my mum is that she has an amazing memory and such wide knowledge, She is so damn smart, She thinks she is stupid, but she one of the most intelligent people I know. I just wish she knew it too.
My parents are my best friends, they are still there for me no matter what, if I ever lost them I am not sure I could cope. If I could give anything I would have them with me for as long as I am alive. If I have anything worrying me the first people I speak to are my mum and dad, I know it should probably be my husband, but they know exactly what to say, how to fix it and how to reassure me. Andrew tries his best when these things happen, but Andrew will even tell you that he bows to my parents experience. I am so lucky that even my husband loves and respects my parents. I am not sure how I could cope if my parents and my husband didn't get along.
I can see both my parents' traits in myself, I can see my dad's cheeky nature but I can also see my mum's quiet caring side. I may not look much like either of them, but I am so like them both equally and I am proud to shout out to anyone how much they mean to me!
