I have always gotten hugs off my mother and father, but never really off anyone else platonic until I was 22. I had always seen people around me hug each other, friends hugging other friends. Just no one ever hugged me. I have many reasons in my head as to why, but all I can put it down to is that maybe they never cared for me enough to do it.
But when I was 22 that all changed, I was sat at work and someone I classed as my friend actually came behind me and hugged me. I was frozen in shock but also totally and utterly amazed, I never thought anyone would care about me enough who wasn't a loved one. But she did. She made me feel worthy and slightly less of a freak because of it.
I always classed myself as scary to other people, that they were too scared to hug me. I never saw myself as a scary person, I am kinda laid back until you really push me to the brink. I think the fact I have always been one of the tallest people in a room and always the fattest person too made me a freak. But this person didn't care about that, Or so I thought, but that's another story.
But what you will not understand about this is that I love hugs, I love it when my husband wraps me in his arms, I feel like the world cannot harm me, that I am safe and nothing can hurt me. Which is a rare feeling for me.
Over my 38 years on this planet I can probably tell you everyone who has ever given me a hug, especially since being around 10 years old. Hugs for me are mostly awkward or uncomfortable but after I feel kind of normal too, I feel like that person actually likes me, they don't care that I am fat, that I am not "normal". But they are willing to accept my physical form as it is.
I have friends that hug me now, even though I do not see them often it reminds me when they do that they love me for who I am! They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but to some people a hug is worth more than that picture will ever know.
No matter how awkward I still am when people hug me I am great-full to those that do!
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