On Saturday he kissed me goodbye as he always did even if I was only away for 5 minutes, but I was off on holiday for a week. In the early hours of Sunday morning my step daughter texted me to say his tummy was upset - she'd phoned the vet and he'd said it sounded like a tummy bug and to keep an eye on him.
After a lovely day out on Monday I was called with the news that Ben was dying. We packed the hotel room so quickly. I have never moved so fast - I needed to be with my baby boy.
I remember the first time I ever saw him, I had wanted a dog all my life and eventually I had the chance to seek out my perfect friend. As soon as I saw him, a little ball of fur snuggled up to his mum I fell completely in love with him. He slowly walked towards me and I picked him up and knew he was going to be the love of my life. A few days later I picked him up and he was for 14 and a half years my best friend, my soul mate and the love of my life. I do not think I could love anything or anyone anymore than Ben. He was my reason for living, I told him all of my secrets and when I had no friends he was always there. Andrew knew he came with the package when he met me, he was my son.
I recall the holidays we went on together, the fun and cuddles we shared, the times when I was crying he made me smile again. Anyone who ever met him fell in love with him, his beautiful face and smile. His wonderfully soft fur, to me he was and always will be the perfect dog,
The older he got the more issues he had - he had problems with his back legs, but would still do whatever he wanted to do, I bought him harnesses just in case for the future, wheels for if he needed them for a walk. But he refused to give in.
He loved his walks, his fuss and playing. Even when he got older he still had his puppy moments. Woofing at you for daring to stop giving him fuss or playing with him.
Whilst driving home on Monday evening I was constantly on the phone to my step daughter, the vet and my dad. I knew I would not make it in time to say goodbye, it was his wish for me not to see him in such pain and agony, I got to say everything I ever wanted too though. I am so grateful for modern technology and the fact I could talk to him over the phone, to tell him mummy loved him and that he will always be my baby boy my Bubsy. That it was ok for him to go, that I understood and loved him.
A few minutes later my dad phoned to say he was gone. I was devastated. As I looked up from my phone and into the distance ahead, a perfect, bright, wide rainbow appeared despite the fact there'd been no rain, it was like a sign from him. From that moment until we got close to the vets I felt nothing, I was numb. Then, as we drew nearer my heart felt like it was being ripped out. Finally we arrived and I went into the treatment room to see him. He looked so peaceful, just like he was sleeping, but I have never before wished so hard for something - for him to take a breath or for this to be just a terrible dream. I kissed him and told him I would see him again one day.
That evening as we lay in bed, with Ruby, our other dog asleep and snoring beside the bed, both myself and my husband heard Ben's unmistakable "woof". I swear if my husband had not heard it I would have thought I was going crazy. He was reminding me he's still here with me and I knew from that moment he always would be!
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