This could happen to anyone.

So it's 10 years in the future or maybe even next week for you. Your child whether male, female or neither comes to you and tells you that they have been trying to conceive a child.  Sadly they have had tests done and they are either unable to have children or have a very rare chance of having a child.

What do you do? What can you say to make things better? No words will ever be enough when all you have ever wanted is to be a mum or dad. 

Yes there are many other options out there, adoption, IVF, fostering or Surrogacy. But all of those options not only leave you stressed and fearing they will not work, but also the mental toll and toll on your body is nothing but unreal. 

You may think all of those options is easy and straightforward, but sadly you are completely wrong. 

IVF there is only a 33% chance of it working on your first try. 

Adoption there are no guarantee that you will be able to do this because you may smoke, not have enough money in the bank, or you may be over weight. All of these issues mean you may be told you cannot adopt. 

Fostering is an easier way to be a parent, but you will never be a parent for long term, some children are only in fostering for a week or a few days. Could you imagine wanting something so much but having that child taken away from you again and again? 

Surrogacy is also something that is not straight forward, first of all will the child be 100% yours, if so the surrogate has to go through IVF which means months of injections for you and the surrogate. If the child is not genetically yours then comes the whole issue of the mother on the birth certificate is not you, not only that what if they decide to keep the child? Putting trust in someone you know or even do not know along with the financial side of Surrogacy is and will put any couple into many predicaments. 

All of these options is any amount of stress for any couple before any bundle of joy may arrive, Would the stress of all of this push two people away from each other. But not only that the physical stress of injections, procedures and financial strain on any one person will and can push people over the edge. Not to mention the children who are lost before they are even born, the mental and physical stress of losing a child is more that any person should have to cope with. 

Myself personally I have been and am still trying for a child, I wish I could adopt or afford a surrogate. I would give anything to be a mum, since childhood I have wanted to be a mum. There are many other people out there who also wish for this every day, they have tried everything and yet still cannot be a parent. We do not want your sympathy, yes we are jealous that you found it so easy to have a child, or even if the path wasn't easy we will still be jealous of your joy. But our happiness for you outweighs that. We hope and pray one day we will be as lucky as you. We wish for someone to give us a child, but the reality of that gets further and further away the older we get. 

We want to be involved in your child's life, we love kids and even though it breaks our hearts that we cannot share our children and we cannot watch our child grow up with yours. Please do not forget us for birthdays, days out and  doing things with you and your child. Will we enjoy it just as much!

But what would you do if your child came and told you they will probably never be a parent. What would you say? What do you think you could do to help? Maybe think of those words of wisdom for someone you know who still wants to be apart of your life, but cannot share the things you do every day. 

What would you prefer? Being tall!

As someone who is taller than the average man, I would like to pose to you a question. If you were looking for a pair of jeans that fitted, you wander around shops looking again and again for that perfect fit to then finally stumble on one pair that fit you like you wish every pair ever could. There is just sadly 2 issues with the the 2 pairs of these jeans you can find in the whole world. 

Pair one is too long. So do you spend extra money and find someone who can shorten them for you? But you worry will they look right shortened, but how can they not? 

Pair 2 are too short, maybe you could go for a cropped looking pair, but you know there will only be certain times in the year you can wear them, when it is warm and when you have been bothered to shave your legs. 

But what would you prefer to do?


Now imagine these jeans are now a dress. A dress that should be a maxi and instead it cuts down your calf half way. Could you possibly add some material to the shorter dress, maybe some netting or lace? But it will never look right. 

These are sadly the issue taller people have every time they buy something. I suppose they could always go and buy in the mens section, like I always had to when I was a child and teen, but nothing fits correctly, a mans shape is completely different to a woman's. Remember this when you moan about clothes being too long, some of us can never get them long enough! 

I've been preparing for this my whole life!

So most people are finding it hard at the moment not to touch their face, to stay 2 meters apart or to not touch things others may of touched. 
For me how ever it is something I have been doing as long as I remember. I think it all stems from when as a child I would go with my father to his place of work. You may think how did this make you hate germs, well he worked for the sewage department. Smelling and watching other peoples waste going around in a huge tank. Really puts you off wanting to touch let alone be around filth and germs. 
Growing up my parents would not let us have a normal picnic on the floor in the grass with the insects, we used to picnic in the car instead. If my dad saw one fly in the house it would be panic stations. 
Then in November 2008 I thought I had a bad chest infection, I could hardly breath walking up stairs was like climbing a mountain, It got so bad that my oxygen levels were so low I should of died. I had pneumonia. Not being able to breath is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, coughing up black phlegm and feeling like you are drowning from the inside is something I would never wish on anyone. From that point on my issues with germs really started.  
I taught myself to not touch certain things. I am not clean freak, I have a dog who brings in probably more germs that I would like to know, I do not have the energy to clean and wipe down everywhere. But every time I fuss Ralph I will make an effort not to touch my face until I have washed my hands, I am pretty sure I wash my hands around 20 times a day even before this all happened. Even touching door handles, light switches and other items at home I never touch my face without washing my hands, touching raw meat I will always wash my hands about 4 times afterwards, in between cleaning down the area where the raw meat had been twice and leaving antibacterial spray on the area for at least 5 minutes before touching it. 
But yet my house isn't perfect, it's got dust, dirt and dog splashes on the walls just like most normal houses, I wish it didn't have but my body won't let me clean as much as I wish I could. The pain my body is in most days stops me doing simple things, but if I do clean I am in agony for days. But I try my best every day to do something. Even if it is just sweeping the floors. 
Before Covid 19 I would never touch a door handle in a shop, cinema, hotel. I would clean remote controls in hotels before I would use them. I would hold my breath for as long as possible if someone coughed near me. I wouldn't touch my face until I had got home and washed my hands. Not because I was scared of getting something, but because I was petrified. But now I realise I was just being prepared for something like this. My husbands has always laughed at me for doing what I have done, but now I know it was just preparation! 

Curly / wavy hair

My whole life I tried to hide the fact my hair was in between curly and wavy. All I ever wanted was straight hair like everyone else. Back when I was 13 years old they bought out a new contraption which was basically to metal plates which were the same metal as an iron and which also heated up to probably the same heat as the cotton setting with a shot of steam I prayed they would work. Luckily for me I had longer hair in those days, but I also had a fringe. This damn thing no matter if I straightened it or not always became curly again when I got hot or the weather was slightly damp. But still I kept straightening it. 

Even into my 20's and early 30's I am not sure many people knew that my hair wasn't straight, For years upon years every day I got out a pair of straighteners, thankfully better than the first pair I ever owned (shown above) But still damaging to my hair.  

I still have a fringe and I still straighten it every day. Sadly I have tried many times to grow out my fringe and every time I hate it.  
Then in 2018 I decided to give in to my curls. I am glad I do but I still some days wish for straight hair, my fringe still curls when I don't want it too, I have tried everything but relaxing treatments to try and stop it curling. But at least now I am happy with my hair, I no longer hate it as much, I no longer wish I had someone else's. I am bit by bit from my curly hair roots becoming me! The whole me, not someone who wants to be accepted despite things, but who know that I am who I am and from my curly hair down wards I am me! 

This Morning TV program, my truth!

So here we go, I have been thinking about doing this for sometime. Especially since the suicide of a few poor people after being on a reality TV show. To show that not all what you see on any program that has real people on it. Editing is a wondrous thing in TV land!
In 2011 my darling boyfriend asked me to marry him, I was so happy as I had known for some time I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. With this a few stories came out about us in magazines and news papers. From this you may think I am well known, famous or interesting. This is not the case what so ever, But why it happened was because I was fat, I was known as Britian's fattest woman at just over 42 stone and 6ft tall I was super morbidly obese. I could walk, was in moderate pain especially with my back but could live a normalish life.
I got asked if I wanted to go on This morning the TV program on ITV to talk about being fat, happy and getting married. I thought why not, I may show someone else that they are not alone, they can be fat, happy and find love. Love is for everyone of all shapes and sizes. I thought if I only show one person they are not alone then I have done my job in the world. The program it's self aired live and while I did not agree with some of the questions everyone was nice on the show, Of course online people who never care how much they may hurt someone said some nasty things. But I always have to think that these people do not know me, do not understand and must hate themselves a lot to put someone else down, no one is perfect, but it still affected me.
A few months after the show which was recorded live went out I got a call asking if I would like to get some help to lose weight, there were a lot of things they said would happen. I would be with  3 other people we would all be trying to lose weight and be a support to each other, but we would get help with nutrition, fitness, and mental health. I also made sure to say no matter what they put me through I would never be willing to go to a boot camp. They promised me this would be the case and that we would have so much other help we would not need this kind of place.
You may wonder why I did not wish to go to a boot camp. Well for many reasons, the first that if you shout at me, if you make me feel like a bad person I will go straight to eating things I shouldn't. I comfort eat, if you push me to breaking point I will snap and become someone I dislike, an angry person.  I knew exactly what happened at these places and while they work for some people, I knew it would never work for me!
So the day came and I met the other 3 people who I would be spending the next few months with on and off. They were all amazing people and we became a close group. We understood each other and knew what all of our issues were and how things affect us each, but we were also so different too.
First day of filming was live and a weigh inn, I did not mind this as I knew how much I weighed and I knew I needed to lose weight, not just for my health, but for my self to feel happier. We also that day met our doctor Chris, Nutritionist and someone who would be with us through it all Fatima Whitbread. You may think why would they have a sports person there helping us? I thought the same. How would she understand being fat? Being that fat that people stare, shout and make you feel not good enough. She would though understand what it is like to get negative feed back about her job, her sports, so maybe she would get it?
Over the next few months everything else was pretty much pre-recorded, only 2 others being live in the studio. They never told us what we were doing until we got there. The first thing they had us do was stand on a stage in a huge shopping mall and exercise in-front of huge crowds. This was for me my worst nightmare, I hate being centre of attention, but not only that, these are the sort of people who judge me, abuse me mentally and make me dread leaving my house. whilst on the stage I would do what they asked, I would try my best, but every time we could relax I would be off that stage and hiding in the corner getting away from everyone. It was my idea of hell. I believe this event wasn't to help us, wasn't to show us people are proud of us trying to make an effort, it was to get good point and laugh television. Fatima Whitbread had no idea how to even do fitness exercises, no idea what to do on this stage for us, but thankfully they had a fitness instructor on hand to help. It almost seemed like an idea that was thought of last minute. After what was one of the most awful days to come over the next few months, I thought surly it couldn't get worse than this. Oh but it did!
The doctor who was supposed to help us, give us medical advice and support us I only ever saw whilst filming live. I spoke to him once off camera and that was passing in the ITV studio corridor saying hello.
The nutritionist who was going to give us diet advice and help was also non existent. While she did send us a weeks food each in a box from her online company. That was supposed to be tailored to our needs, was instead exactly the same foods sent to all 4 of us. She was only ever with us when she recorded too. No help other wise.
Fatima though actually tried, she would ring each one of us on a weekly basis, seeing how we were doing, trying to offer help, that sadly she had no idea how to do. She was an athlete not anyone who understood nutrition and regular fitness, but she cared. Aside from the times she had to play up for the camera.
Next we went to see a famous couple who were famous for helping with mental issues. Mostly that day we all sat around talking to each other while we had our 20 minutes maximum with these people. They were a lovely couple, but did I find the 2 minutes of help worthy? No! Did I get any actual words of help, of course not. I did though meet their cat and get to cuddle it. YES! Did I get told I was too fat to sit on one of their toilets YES!! Did I get told that they had never had this issue before YES! Did we all get put down for what we ate the night before in the restaurant where we stayed YES! Were there any healthy choices on said hotel menu? NO, did we only have a budget where we could afford only certain items that would fill us up. YES! But what made the icing on the cake was our therapy, how we could let go of the past, But writing the words we hate on a piece of paper and burn them. Did this help? did these words actually disappear from my head? Of course not. Were we given ways in which to cope with people outside of their beautiful house, ways in which to understand ourselves and how we got this way, how we could find other ways to cope. We did not get any of this. Once again it was just all for a good TV show.
Then came the worse week of all! The night before we all met up in a hotel, the 4 of us chatting away in this lovely hotel in Norfolk. One of us saying that they are pretty sure were going to a boot camp. My heart sank, I knew I would hate this and I knew I would not cope. I hoped I really did that it was finally something else that may actually help. I thought about driving away, I thought about leaving, but sadly they had hired me a car which was no longer there. Then the morning came...
We turned up at a boot camp where we were to stay for the next week, Having our meals cooked for us and given to us, exercising daily and pushing our bodies, the thought for me was hell. Not because of the food and daily exercise, but the way boot camps are known to talk to people. But my first thought was just give it a try. That first day almost broke me.
So here we were, I thought I would give it my best go. I was honest enough to tell them off camera that I had packed some chocolate my dad gave me (honesty being the best policy and all, as I did want this to work). It was then that they decided to humiliate us all by filming Fatima going through our luggage. Digging through our underwear, clothes and stuff. If this wasn't humiliating enough feeling like an school child who had done something wrong. They decided to tell the ex military staff to be as hard on us as their army days. We were shouted at, humiliated and told to do as we were told. All went well until my back had a shooting pain going through it, as if a hot knife was cutting my bones. Of course I was made to look like a liar, to be told it was ok. crying in tears of pain, I tried my best, but somethings I couldn't physically do. Being shouted at like I was in the army I was told "do you want to be fat and disgusting for the rest of your life". At that point I lost it, the pain and the humiliation was too much. I snapped. Yet the shouting and argument I had with one person was only showed on my side, shown that I lost it, for no reason. The online abuse I got was terrible for this. It still haunts me to this day.
That evening I wanted to leave, I couldn't go on anymore. But if I left one of us would be left in this hell hole all alone for nearly the week. The only reason I stayed was for him.
Strangely enough they never showed how the rest of the week went for me and my partner in hell, I did everything they asked, we weren't actually shouted at again. They actually told us that they were told to do that to us for effect of filming live, I was so damn angry. While we were at this boot camp we were filmed a few times aside from the first day. Once with the nutritionist for an hour showing me how dark chocolate is made and how it can help me more. Then once on a weigh day half way through the week. Aside from that we had no contact with them, we were given breakfast, lunch and an evening meal. All healthy, not all nice to eat. But the chef was amazing, she tried so hard to give us tasty foods we would like and new things to try. She was never told to help us, to show us how to make these meals, to give us ideas on what foods to eat outside of this world. 
Through the week we got on so well with the staff, had a laugh and did everything they set out to achieve with us, I even walked a mile! Something I had never done before. My body hurt so much  every night that much that I couldn't sleep, but I pushed myself. All because the cameras weren't there we all got along. 
We were kept from the rest of the people who were there doing the boot camp because they wanted too. Their bags weren't checked and I found it hilarious that most evenings a few of them walked to the local shop to get treats. We never did!
They knew I was leaving on the Friday as my hen do was on the Saturday and the following Saturday I was getting married, they knew this from the moment I signed up to get "help". So they filmed all 4 of us getting weighed, of course we lost weight, but aside from learning what exercises we could do with simple things. I feel we could of learnt so much more from so many of the staff.
They even filmed me on my hen do, they wanted to film my wedding, but I wouldn't allow it. I wanted that day to be about us, not everyone to put us down. I wanted a relaxed day full of fun and laughter.
The day after my hen do I was supposed to go back up to Norfolk and finish the week. but sadly I slept through all my alarms and slept for 16 hours. I missed it.
Then came the final program, just a couple of days before my wedding, the only other live program, where we would be weighed for all the world to see. But I decided my wedding was more important. That me and my husband came first, I emailed them to tell them this, but alive on the program they only said that they had tried to contact me, to no avail!
At the end of it all and the months of mental and physical abuse caused by this program, the only good thing to come of it, is the amazing friends I made. They came to my wedding and they are still my friends!
This Morning let us all down, did they not give us the advice and help they said they would give.
Was the abuse I received after every program was shown worth the pain and suffering? Did I learn anything? Did I become suicidal through all of it? These are still questions I think about every day.
I learn't that the editing of footage to make "good" TV is very important. That TV programs lie, that I thought about ending it all even though I had just got married. But what I will take away from this whole experience is that, I was not alone, that 3 other people who I now class as friends have their own horror story of the event, they know the truth!
From all of this happening I put on 6 stone and my mental health got worse. I became Britain's fattest woman. I comfort ate from the months of online abuse and in papers and magazines. We never got help with this, they never checked in with us. Honestly they never seemed to care past what they achieved, a good program people would want to watch.

Plus size clothing sale

So I thought some of you may like to look at a few plus size sites that have a sale on at the moment. Anyway here they are! 

 

(Please click on the site name to go straight to the sale page.)

Site                           Size                    

NewLook                16 - 32

Very                          8 - 28       

Curvissa                   14 - 32

Matalan                     6 - 26

Simplybe                  12 - 34

Evans                       14 - 32

Fashion World          8 - 38

Yours Clothing         14 - 36

Lovedrobe                16 - 32

Pink Clove               12 - 28

BonPrix                    6 - 32

Scarlett & Jo             16 - 32

H & M                      L - 4XL

Dorothy Perkins       6 - 22

M and Co                 6 - 32

Zalando                    8 - 30

Navabi                     14 - 34

Asos                         4 - 34

Ulla Popken             16 - 42

M & S                      6 - 32

Junarose                   12 - 30

Pureplusclothings     14 - 40 

Shein                        16 - 26

Boohoo                    16 - 26

Riverisland               2 - 28

Pretty little things     2 - 28

Quiz                         3 - 26

Missguided              12 - 28

Debenhams              8 - 32

             

Hugs

Anyone who knows me knows I am truly awkward at hugging people and this is why!
I have always gotten hugs off my mother and father, but never really off anyone else platonic until I was 22. I had always seen people around me hug each other, friends hugging other friends. Just no one ever hugged me. I have many reasons in my head as to why, but all I can put it down to is that maybe they never cared for me enough to do it. 
But when I was 22 that all changed, I was sat at work and someone I classed as my friend actually came behind me and hugged me. I was frozen in shock but also totally and utterly amazed, I never thought anyone would care about me enough who wasn't a loved one. But she did. She made me feel worthy and slightly less of a freak because of it. 
I always classed myself as scary to other people, that they were too scared to hug me. I never saw myself as a scary person, I am kinda laid back until you really push me to the brink. I think the fact I have always been one of the tallest people in a room and always the fattest person too made me a freak. But this person didn't care about that, Or so I thought, but that's another story. 
But what you will not understand about this is that I love hugs, I love it when my husband wraps me in his arms, I feel like the world cannot harm me, that I am safe and nothing can hurt me. Which is a rare feeling for me. 
Over my 38 years on this planet I can probably tell you everyone who has ever given me a hug, especially since being around 10 years old. Hugs for me are mostly awkward or uncomfortable but after I feel kind of normal too, I feel like that person actually likes me, they don't care that I am fat, that I am not "normal". But they are willing to accept my physical form as it is. 
I have friends that hug me now, even though I do not see them often it reminds me when they do that they love me for who I am! They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but to some people a hug is worth more than that picture will ever know. 
No matter how awkward I still am when people hug me I am great-full to those that do! 

Andrew

I never in my life thought I would meet someone to love me let alone get married, but I was luckily enough one autumn  evening to meet a man who liked me for who I was. 
I had dated a few men before I met my husband, some of them were embarrassed of me, some hid me away never introducing me to friends. Others only wanted one thing and some tried to change me, lock me away from people I cared about. 
But over 12 years ago I decided to meet someone I thought would be a friend. Who turned about to be the man I truly fell in love with.
Andrew has never asked anything of me, he has never wanted anything from me, he accepts me for all my quirks, annoying habits and puts up with me daily. 
I was always told I would never find love, that no one would ever want to marry me. Andrew always told me he never wanted to get married either, but over time I wanted to be his wife. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. 
Of course we have had our ups and downs, we have been through good times and bad just like anyone else. But no matter what I love Andrew for who his is. Yes just like I annoy him with some of the things I do, He annoys me too. Normally because we are opposites in so many things. I hate being alone, He loves it. I loathe sports and he loves football and cricket. He can happily spend the day pottering around finding little jobs to do, where as I get bored so easily. He loves the stars, the solar system and what may be out there, I love history, where we come from and what has made us how we are. We do have similar interests too.
I love spending time with him and we spent nearly 4 years with each other 24/7 and never really got annoyed, bored or fed up of one another, I know not many people can say that. 
He completes me, I love him for who he is, not what he can give me, or do for me, I love him because he puts up with my very bad sense of humour, he has never asked anything of me, he knows I ask so much of myself already. 
I am proud of being his wife. He is my best friend he is someone I can tell anything too without worrying about what he might say. 
I am not a confident person and do not love myself, but I know he loves me even when he does not tell me. Yes I get scared that one day he will realise and will leave me. But I know that is my head and my own issues and he loves me no matter of that. 
I love him more than I thought I could love someone. He completes me.

Andrew thank you for being my rock I love you! 

Telling someone you're "FAT" will not help them!

Being fat all my life I have been told since I was a young age I would be told that I would die before I was 12, 14, 16, 18 and 20.
The people who told me these things never understood what they were doing. They were trying to make me see that I should change my life and be healthier and lose weight to live. What they didn't know is that it did not do this, it did not suddenly jolt my whole existence into suddenly wanting to lose weight. It did the opposite effect! It made me comfort eat, panic and realise that I can't do that. These people including health professionals also never understood what else was going on in my life. The daily torment from other people, the constant battle with myself and how I hated every thing about me. I was taught from an early age from people that I was disgusting, I was ugly and shouldn't be the way I was.
I never had anyone sit down with me and ask me what I thought, how I felt, I was a child and as a child I didn't understand why I was these things, I felt normal, active and I did everything I wanted to do. Why was I all of these things? My peers were just as bad as adults maybe even worse. All I wanted to do was fit in, to eat what my peers ate to be a normal child. But I wasn't I was fat. I was apparently the worst thing anyone could be.
Even simple things like being put on a diet when I was 8 years old I was asked by "friends" why are you not eating what we are? I didn't know how to answer these questions.
Into my teenage years it just got worse, I got heavier through comfort eating and hiding myself away. The bigger in time I got the more hate I got from people everywhere. The more I hated myself, the more I comfort ate, the more I wanted to not be here, to make these noises in my head stop.
It wasn't until I was in my late 20's that I realised that these people had the problem not me. Yes I am fat, yes I have fat, but when all of this started when I was a child when I was innocent, I was shamed and put down and made to feel like I had no reason to live anymore.
Over the past 38 years I have tried every diet going, I have battled the voices in my head, I think I will always battle these voices in my head they will forever be there they are now apart of me. Those people from my past from my childhood will forever be in my head. But not just them, people still now who shame me in the street, online and on television. Every day I am fighting a battle to tell myself I am worth living worth giving to society.  To not eat bad foods and give into these people who tell me I should just eat my self to death, to not comfort myself with the one thing that doesn't judge me.
Telling someone that they are fat and need to lose weight will not help that child or person, you are just telling them for yourself, for your own peace of mind that you did something to "help".
My advice for any parent who thinks their child is over weight is teach them, teach them that being active and keeping active may not help you lose weight but it is good for your body. That food is fuel, what are good and not so good foods, that you can eat what ever you want to eat but only some of them occasionally. That no matter if you are over weight or underweight you are still beautiful, you are still worth being on this planet. You have as much worth as anyone else. Tell them that no matter what people say to you, their opinion is not always correct. That others can be cruel. Talk to your child about their day, how and what people said to them and how this may affect them.
Tell them no matter your size, anyone's size or shape they are beautiful, as beauty really comes from within, from how we treat others!

Toys for my cheeky chunky Labrador

So 3 years ago now we got a tiny chunky Lab, I knew I wanted a boy and I knew his name was Ralph. To be fair the first one we saw seemed like a Ralph. If you are a dog parents you will understand this.
I always knew Labs were loving, intelligent and great with kids. But what I never knew is that chocolate Labs were the stupidest of the bunch, but with that lack of common sense you get a puppy forever. Ralph does learn things, but has his own mind too, no matter how much I try and train him in certain things he will just do what he wants. Every dog has their own character and Ralph has a huge one.
Another thing I never knew about Labs is that they lose a lot of hair, I always thought a short haired dog would have less hair shedding than a longer dog breed. I was very wrong. The other thing anyone who has had a puppy will know they chew like mad, but it seems most Labs can chew through anything and every toy going. Ralph loves to chew sticks, toys, teddy and any thing he can get his paws on that isn't ours. He did as a puppy like to take slippers, but thankfully he knows what is and isn't allowed these days.


I have over the last 3 years bought many toys for Ralph to enjoy. But not many ever make it past the few weeks or days of damage. But thankfully I have found a few that he hasn't managed to destroy. These are the ones I would highly recommend for anyone who has a dog who loves treat toys that seem to be slightly indestructible.

1. Kong Classic is a basic fill able toy for most breeds, they come in a variation of sizes and strengths. You can freeze them which will give your dog even more hours of fun.

2. Kong Wobbler is a great toy for dry foods, better if you have wooden floors but lots of fun. Ralph loves knocking this about trying to get more food out even when he has emptied it.

3. Feixun Pets Dog Treat Toy Ball is better for small hard treats, Ralph doesn't love this as much as some others, but still wants it of course if it has been filled with his food. It can be hard to fill when it starts to get full up. But worth a try for someone with a dog who can't move about much. 

4. SPORTSPET High Bounce Rubber Dog Balls  these balls come in various sizes, I have only linked one size here which is about the same as a tennis ball, not only are they super bouncy but also seem to be pretty tough. They aren't treat toys, but are hours of fun especially if you have a hard surface to bounce them on. 

5. Starmark Bob-a-Lot Interactive Dog Toy is by far Ralph's favourite treat toy, not only is it a lot like the Kong wobbler, but he loves it because he can carry it around. It has a few different adjustments that make it easier or harder for treats to come out and for different size treats. It also comes in 2 sizes depending on the size of your dog. 

 My own made toys using Kong Squeezz balls  with natural rope tied through, makes it easier for me to get hold of them. Ralph loves them and so do I. 

I can't say that these toys will be tough enough for your dog, but Ralph loves them and hasn't broken one yet. 

Unrealistic films

Ok so we all know about the Snow Whites, Cinderellas and various films of this (well, a version of this) world which seem designed to pull us down and tell us that we will never be perfect, nor will we ever get our fairytale ending. I mean what girl is nearly killed by her stepmother, then is rescued and falls in love with her prince? Not only that, the animals around her clean the house and cheer her up when she's down. The lowly housemaid, mentally abused by her extended family, one day finds a prince who accepts the reality of who she is and how she is.
Me? I knew straight off these things would never happen, not because it's an unrealistic view of the world, or that those princes are rare if not non-existent. What told me that I was never destined for the life Cinderella finally found was that Cinderella, Snow White and her ilk were always slim and beautiful. I wasn't slim and as far as I was concerned, neither was I beautiful.
No matter who I liked when I was younger I learned to lie about it. I never revealed who I truly fancied. I couldn't trust anyone to keep their mouth shut - someone would think it'd be clever to spread the 'news' and the poor lad would be ridiculed because the fatty liked him. I usually just went along with suggestions made by other girls as to who I might like.
But then in my middle teens, two weekends apart, two films came on the TV -  both by coincidence starring Ricki Lake - Baby Cakes and Hairspray. Two films where the lead character was plump and happy being so. This to me was a new concept, but gave me for once in my life hope that someone might actually like me.
I always had issues, not only with my confidence, looks and size, but in that I genuinely hated myself. It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I found *me*, the person I truly was. Until that point I had been trying to be someone else, to fit in with others' expectations. I am now someone who still doesn't much like how she looks or how she dresses, but I am more settled in who I am, in what my personality is. I am now *me*!
But then again tonight while watching Netflix, I came across Sierra Burgess is a loser. The chubby girl who hates how she looks but knows who she is and tries to remain true to her caring nature, then falls for a guy who is, according to social convention and therefore her friends, out of her league. While the film itself is not too bad and is trying to send a positive message of acceptance and strength of character to impressionable teens, I need them to all know this: Your prince charming probably won't come in a package which fits the commonly accepted definition of "hot". But it doesn't matter - what matters is that you find a person who loves you for who you are, not what you look like. And you should do the same - find a partner who makes you laugh, smile, and thinks about you when you're not there.
Films are all well and good as stories and sometimes lessons in ideal morality, but unlike most films, in real life not all amazing things come in perfect packages.

Children

If you are a woman you are normally expected to have a child. I know many women out there are very happy to never have one. They do not feel an urge to become pregnant, give birth or look after a child full time. This does not mean that they do not like children, they just have no desire to have a child in their life.
Then there are the women who feel conflicted, they don't want a child, but feel that they are expected to have one. I have no idea what decision they come to, if they have a child do they regret it all their life, or do they then realize that it was something they had always wanted. Do they give it up for adoption? I wish I could have that choice.
Or maybe you are a woman who was ambivalent about having a child but when they met the partner who made them realize a child would be the best thing in the world to have to make them a whole.
You could be the woman who always knew they want to have children and got their wish no matter how hard it was to conceive, to go through miscarriages. But in the end you have a beautiful child.
I think though one of the hardest kinds of women to be is the woman who also really wanted a child but either couldn't get pregnant, or did get pregnant and lost it their in the early term or at full term, I cannot imagine being someone who has to give birth to a child you know is never going to live, to grow up. To have all that pain, but to not hear your child laugh, see it grow or feel its warmth next to your heart again.
I am the woman who cannot seem to get pregnant. People say losing weight is hard, I can confirm it is. Could I give up chocolate and cake if I had a small bundle of love for the rest of my life. YES! But the disappointment every month and the years of never having a stripe on a test makes me weak. Makes me comfort eat. Does that make me weak, probably. But yes I would give anything to be a mother, to be called mum. If I could afford for someone else to give me a child I would do it today, not even tomorrow. If I wasn't overweight I would be able to adopt. But sometimes even adoption is hard, even if you are healthy, have the funds, the restrictions of trying to be a mother is sometimes like beating against a brick wall that you cannot seem to break down.
Some say that maybe I should foster, I would love to help a child who sadly cannot be with their parents for various reasons, but would I have to give that child back? Could I give that child back? My answer is NO. That may be selfish but if you truly love and care for your own child, would you be able to just give it away? There are some amazing women out there who do this, they have a child for a couple. These women to me are damn amazing, they give me hope that maybe if I won the lotto I could have a child, be a mother.
But the next thing against me is my age, my ticking clock is telling me soon I shall be 40, soon I shall be too old to get help, to have a child, to do any of these things. Do I wish I could turn back time and hope that I got help to get pregnant earlier? Yes. But as always my weight has been against me in that. I just keep hoping and praying like the many other women out there who are in similar circumstances.
Does it ever get easier? I don't think it will, but I am guessing some day I shall have to give in and realize that if I am not pregnant or do not become a mother I shall have to concede and that it just wasn't meant to be. All I can do for now is try, try to lose more weight, try to do the right things, try to get pregnant. Until the day comes that I shall have to stop and give in. Which I know will truly break my heart.
If you like me are a woman who wishes to be a mother, I hope your dreams and wishes come true.
If you are ever thinking of being a surrogate please I hope you do, I hope you give something to someone who could never have wished for more. You will mean the world to that or those people. You will give them the best thing ever in this world.
Do I hope one day I could be one of those persons who is given the opportunity to have a child? Do I really need to give you the answer to that?

Clothes shopping list

I am an avid fan of online shopping, not only do I prefer it to going to a shop where you have to deal with other people, but there is a much wider range of plus size clothing. Here is a list of some of the sites I use.

Retail name                           Sizes                                  

Curvissa                               14 - 32                         

New Look                            18 - 32 

                
Very                                     12 - 32    

 
Matalan                               18 - 28

Simply be                            12 - 36

Evans                                   14 - 32

Fashion World                     12 - 36

Yours Clothing                    14 - 36

Lovedrobe                           14 - 32

Pink Clove                          14 - 24

Marisota                              12 - 34

M & Co                               12 - 32 

Fatphrocks                           14 - 28

BBW Couture                      14 - 28

Bonprix                                14 - 32

Scarlett and Jo                     10 - 32

H&M                                    18 - 30

Dorothy Perkins.                  16 - 28

Navabi                                  16 - 32

Less than 10 pounds             14 - 30

Zalando                                 16 - 28

Asos                                      14 - 34

Ivans clothing                       14 - 36

Love fashion                         12 - 32

Ullapopken                            16 - 42

Wearall                                  16 - 32

Marks and Spencer                18 - 30

Junarose                                 12 - 28

Next                                        12 - 26

Plus Size Lagenlook               16 - 32

Crazy Clearance                     12 - 34

Everything 5 Pounds              14 - 32

Just curvy                               12 - 26

Laredoute                                14 - 32

House of Fraser                       14 - 26

Vidamoda                                14 - 28

BooHoo                                   12 - 28

Apples and Pears                     18 -32

Izabel                                       16 - 28

Elvi                                          12 - 28

River Island                             18 - 28

In The Style                             12 - 28 

Lady V London                        12 - 32

Although there are a lot more online fashion retailers out there that have plus size options, I have tried to only show the ones that go up to a 28 or above.

My parents

I have been meaning for so long to write this, but I am not sure I have the right words to do them justice.
From my earliest memory my parents have always been the ones who have never put me down, never asked anything of me, they have always just wanted me to be happy.
I've always known I can talk to my parents, but I never really learned to until I got into my mid to late 20's. I guess I didn't know how to tell them what was going on, I couldn't make sense of it myself so how would I explain it to them?
My father is like my right arm, I would be totally lost without him, since I was a little girl he's always been fighting my corner. Yes I probably was spoilt but what little girl isn't? Although I never saw my father much week to week as he was so hard working. He would get up at 6am and go to work but then come home and go out again to do more work. The weekends were no exception - he would be working morning until evening, but he did all of this for us, never for himself. Looking back, the thing I remember most fondly is when I used to get to go out in an evening with him when he'd be called out to a job and I got to ride along. It was the best few hours of my week or month. As I grew older I got to go out with him more, meeting his friends and colleagues.
I also remember our holidays - we had a touring caravan. I hated being in that damn thing but spending time with my dad and mum was the best thing and worth the wait.
But the worst time for me and my dad was when I was 13 or 14, he suddenly was not the strong man I knew but the man I wanted to protect, to make better. But I couldn't do anything but be there for him. For months and years my dad had to sleep on his front to try to save his eyesight. From here it seemed to get worse, not only did he lose his sight in one eye, but it went into months of hearing my father crying in pain down stairs, I can remember sitting awake upstairs at night hearing him. It was the first time I had ever heard the strongest man I knew cry. But hearing him cry did not make him less of a man or dad, it made me love him more. This only got worse by him losing his mum - she was his rock. I think that day was probably the worst day in my father's life. All I have ever done is try to be there for my father. I remember sitting with him while he was lying on his stomach listening to music and talking. Just spending time with my dad no matter the way or how it came about was everything to me and still is.

My mother and I have had a rocky relationship in the past, we clashed a lot when I was a child and carried on into my teenage years but looking back now I can see it was probably more to do with me not being able to tell my mum how I felt, how I needed her help, how I have no idea what was going on in my life. But no matter how much I screamed at my mum, cried, slammed doors, she never turned her back, she never gave up on me. She was always supportive of me. At the time I felt alone like she wasn't in my corner, but now looking back I can remember the flashes of times she was, there were so many of those times, but back then I couldn't see them through the fog and haze of my own life. My mum is the sweetest woman you can ever meet, she is so kind, quiet, loving and caring, but she lacks confidence and self reassurance. I wish I could see her back then as I see her now.
She is stronger than she knows, she did everything around the house, looked after myself and my brother. Worked and never complained. She just kept going, kept working herself as much as my father but for no wages, just for the love of us. One thing most people don't know about my mum is that she has an amazing memory and such wide knowledge, She is so damn smart, She thinks she is stupid, but she one of the most intelligent people I know. I just wish she knew it too.

My parents are my best friends, they are still there for me no matter what, if I ever lost them I am not sure I could cope. If I could give anything I would have them with me for as long as I am alive. If I have anything worrying me the first people I speak to are my mum and dad, I know it should probably be my husband, but they know exactly what to say, how to fix it and how to reassure me. Andrew tries his best when these things happen, but Andrew will even tell you that he bows to my parents experience. I am so lucky that even my husband loves and respects my parents. I am not sure how I could cope if my parents and my husband didn't get along.
I can see both my parents' traits in myself, I can see my dad's cheeky nature but I can also see my mum's quiet caring side. I may not look much like either of them, but I am so like them both equally and I am proud to shout out to anyone how much they mean to me!

Protein, Protein, Protein.

When you have weight loss surgery (WLS) you have to change your diet. Your primary means of nutrition must be protein, and with a vastly reduced capacity for food, ensuring your choices are high in protein is essential. Now if you know me you will know how fussy I am with food.
I know people will look at the very narrow range of what I'll eat and wonder how I got so fat. They think people who are fat will eat everything and anything, which is by no means always the case. My life has always revolved around sweet food, so much so that rather than have a starter and main course when out for a meal, I would have quite happily had 3 desserts - not that I ever did, sadly! Even now I crave sugary foods morning, noon and night. The problem is those foods not only have a lot of sugar and fat (and therefore calories), but also aren't very high in protein.
Over the last four years I have tried many protein supplements in the form of shakes, bars and snacks. But once again my taste buds just do not like most. Various friends have recommended different ones to me but I just could not tolerate them. I have to like what I eat or bizarrely I feel sick and will heave. But I have found some that I like and will stick with for the rest of my life.

Protein Shakes
When I had my first surgery my best friend recommended Syntrax Nectar. She gave me a few samples of Chocolate Truffle, Strawberry, and Cookie but I only liked the Chocolate Truffle. I have tried other varieties of Syntrax since, including the Essence and Micellar Creme and I do like all of the chocolate ones I have tried, but I have found that if I mix two of them together they create the perfect drink for me. I love Syntrax because not only are some of them carb free, it doesn't taste too much of sweetener like some of the other products I've tried. Syntrax is expensive compared to many other products and sometimes is hard to find here in the UK, but I wouldn't be without it.

Protein bars

I have tried many varieties of protein bar in my 4 post-operative years but most I have found not particularly appetising. But then just this year I came across the new Grenade Carb Killa. I have tried most of the flavours they do, and really love the Caramel Chaos, and the While Chocolate Cookie ones. They may be a little on the pricey side for some, but if you buy them in bulk the cost comes down. 

Cereal bars

Once again I have tried so many different types. Because for me the taste is as important as the protein content, I've ended up preferring one which is slightly higher in carbs than some alternatives - you have to go for what you like. I have found a couple of Graze bars amazing for taste. My favourites are Cocoa & Vanilla Protein Flapjack, and Banana Protein Flapjack. Strangely, I don't like actual bananas, but the banana flapjacks don't have a particularly strong banana flavour.

Other sources, 

I don't just eat protein bars and flapjacks! I also eat home cooked meals that I normally prepare and put in foil tins, then cook from frozen, I have found that if I cook and eat within 30 minutes I can't eat much. So for me this method works better and I can get protein into myself in a more natural form. 

My favourite things to cook from frozen are:

Bolognese bake - Minced beef in a tomato sauce on the bottom, with macaroni in a cheese sauce on top. 

Chicken wrapped in bacon - I take probably 2/3 of a normal size chicken breast and wrap it in bacon, then with 30 minutes left I will sometimes put a bit of bbq sauce on top to help it go down more easily. 

Shepherd's pie - For this I slow roast a lamb shoulder, then cut it off the bone the leave overnihgt in the fridge to cool. Once it is cold from the fridge you can see the rest of the white fat more easily. I trim that off then whizz it up in the food processor for a few seconds, I add in finely chopped carrots, peas and gravy and top with mashed potato.

Hot Pot - I take some of the lamb that was slow cooked and chop into cubes, add carrots, peas and top with sliced boiled potatoes.

Pie - I prefer either beef which has been cubed and slow cooked for 4 hours, or chicken which I normally roast in the oven then take off the bone. I will add carrots, peas and gravy, then top with a very thin layer of pastry. 

Stuffed Potato skins - Yes this is high in carbs and relatively low in protein, but some days you want carbs and this is a pretty healthy carb choice. I first of all soften/cook jacket spuds in the microwave until they're soft, then cut them in half and scoop out the potato into a bowl, to which I add bacon, light spreadable cheese and a tiny bit of milk just to help with the mashing of the potato. I then add the mix back into the potato skins and top with little grated cheese. 

Big feet

I've always been tall, As I grew up, I passed my dad and brother in height and have always had big feet. While other girls were wearing the latest trend in shoes, I had to make do with men's shoes.

Back in the 90's and early 2000's women's shoes only seemed to go up to a size 7 or 8. Now you can find in some shops on the high street a size 9 and in Evans and Yours clothing, even a size 10 or 11.
I remember the first time I found Evans shoes, I felt like I could finally be a girl - I could dress like everyone else, even if only in the footwear department.

Since having weight loss surgery, my feet have shrunk - not in length but in width. Luckily, thanks to the amazing internet I found a great website called Pretty Big Shoes which has links to lots of sites in the UK, Europe, USA and Australia.

Buying larger shoes usually involved paying a higher price. Until, that is, I discovered that one of the sites from whom I buy clothes also sells shoes up to size 10 in normal widths. That site is Curvissa. I have known about Curvissa for a few years now but had never even considered looking at their shoe range as I simply assumed they would sell only up the the dreaded size 9. So I ordered some of their shoes - I couldn't wait to try them. At the same time though, I was also nervous as sometimes in shoes as in clothing, the sizes can be a bit 'off' and a size 10 turns out to be anything but a size 10. When they arrived I couldn't wait to try them on and my fears were proved baseless - they all fitted perfectly. For the first time in my adult life, I have six pairs of pretty shoes that actually fit my feet. They are so comfy and are a price that won't put a huge dent in your bank account.

I would also suggest you look at the Pretty Big Shoes page mentioned above and try some of the sites they recommend. If you are looking for nice shoes in above average sizes, they may just have what you're dreaming of.