So it's 10 years in the future or maybe even next week for you. Your child whether male, female or neither comes to you and tells you that they have been trying to conceive a child. Sadly they have had tests done and they are either unable to have children or have a very rare chance of having a child.
What do you do? What can you say to make things better? No words will ever be enough when all you have ever wanted is to be a mum or dad.
Yes there are many other options out there, adoption, IVF, fostering or Surrogacy. But all of those options not only leave you stressed and fearing they will not work, but also the mental toll and toll on your body is nothing but unreal.
You may think all of those options is easy and straightforward, but sadly you are completely wrong.
IVF there is only a 33% chance of it working on your first try.
Adoption there are no guarantee that you will be able to do this because you may smoke, not have enough money in the bank, or you may be over weight. All of these issues mean you may be told you cannot adopt.
Fostering is an easier way to be a parent, but you will never be a parent for long term, some children are only in fostering for a week or a few days. Could you imagine wanting something so much but having that child taken away from you again and again?
Surrogacy is also something that is not straight forward, first of all will the child be 100% yours, if so the surrogate has to go through IVF which means months of injections for you and the surrogate. If the child is not genetically yours then comes the whole issue of the mother on the birth certificate is not you, not only that what if they decide to keep the child? Putting trust in someone you know or even do not know along with the financial side of Surrogacy is and will put any couple into many predicaments.
All of these options is any amount of stress for any couple before any bundle of joy may arrive, Would the stress of all of this push two people away from each other. But not only that the physical stress of injections, procedures and financial strain on any one person will and can push people over the edge. Not to mention the children who are lost before they are even born, the mental and physical stress of losing a child is more that any person should have to cope with.
Myself personally I have been and am still trying for a child, I wish I could adopt or afford a surrogate. I would give anything to be a mum, since childhood I have wanted to be a mum. There are many other people out there who also wish for this every day, they have tried everything and yet still cannot be a parent. We do not want your sympathy, yes we are jealous that you found it so easy to have a child, or even if the path wasn't easy we will still be jealous of your joy. But our happiness for you outweighs that. We hope and pray one day we will be as lucky as you. We wish for someone to give us a child, but the reality of that gets further and further away the older we get.
We want to be involved in your child's life, we love kids and even though it breaks our hearts that we cannot share our children and we cannot watch our child grow up with yours. Please do not forget us for birthdays, days out and doing things with you and your child. Will we enjoy it just as much!
But what would you do if your child came and told you they will probably never be a parent. What would you say? What do you think you could do to help? Maybe think of those words of wisdom for someone you know who still wants to be apart of your life, but cannot share the things you do every day.
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