Fatty nights out

From the age of around 23 I started going to plus size nights out. I was so scared the first time I went to one but I was surprised by the amount of lovely people I met. As I got older the nerves of going never went away. I had met some amazing people through these nights out that I felt so lucky to know people who truly accepted me for me. I was still a shy person, but that didn't matter and people still wanted to talk to me and dance with me. I would meet new people every time I went, but still had nights out with the few real friends I had. I have never been good at making friends, I never felt worthy and always found myself pushing people away, I'd never actually ask people to spend time with me, to hang out because I'm scared they wouldn't want to.
The first club style night out was at a place called Biggies. It was in London and such a great place, everyone talking, dancing and really having fun. Getting chatted up was an odd experience for me, I had never before been to such a place where someone found me attractive. I still to this day do not understand what these men liked about me, but I was just happy and taken aback that I was treated normally.
Nights out when I was younger were completely different, I was friends with pretty thin girls who every boy fawned over, I was the fat comfortable friend that the boys would talk to so they could get to know my friends. I was stared at and made fun of at the places we would go to drink. Even now I still don't know if they knew what others said, if they heard it, but I did. "What the hell is she doing in here?". "Omg you're huge". "HAHA fatty" and so much more. I guess that is what stopped me going out and going to college, I had no one to talk to, no one to understand how I felt. But these people and these places made me feel normal, average.
Over the years I went as often as I could, but as my weight piled on and my health got worse, I found it progressively more difficult. Losing contact with some amazing people hurt, I would talk to them on the internet, but it wasn't the same - I could no longer dance the night away with my friends.
Since having weight loss surgery I have been able to go a few times, but very rarely as nights out now leave me in pain for days afterwards. I do enjoy the nights out when they happen, but now I can no longer dance with people and socialising is even more daunting for me, I remember the days where I would walk into a venue and know 90% of the people there. But these days I hardly know anyone, I am just so lucky and thankful that there are still some of the amazing beautiful faces I have known for many years. But my body will not let me be who I am and who I wish to be. So I am stuck, hoping to be brave enough to make new friends and have the bond others do at these places. I just wish I could go more and have as much fun as I used to!